Wednesday, January 07, 2009


There is nothing so ridiculous as the sight of someone wearing out-of-date, unfashionable clothes. For example, these days, anyone dressed in flared trousers or a "kipper" tie invites universal derision (though I have to say that back in the 1970s when these things were “in”, I had the good style sense to realize that they looked ridiculous even then, and so refused to wear them). Likewise multi-colour kaftans.

The problem is, there's nothing on the clothing itself to indicate that it actually is out of date. In my opinion, therefore, clothing manufacturers ought to follow the example of the food industry and stamp "Best Before" or “Wear By” dates on all of their produce. Thus buyers would be able to peruse the fashion shops and choose only the freshest garments, rejecting those approaching their expiration.

Indeed, the food analogy should be taken further. Instead of storing clothing in wardrobes, it would probably be better to keep shirts, jackets, and trousers in the fridge. In this way their style would keep longer and not go off so readily. If a pair of Dayglo platform shoes manufactured in 1971 had been kept in the deep freeze and only taken out as and when required, I believe there's every likelihood they could still be worn today without embarrassment.

After all, take the example of Eskimos who live in a sub-zero, hostile environment. Their clothing and igloos haven't changed style in thousands of years, yet they never look unfashionable. This is because the cold has preserved their fashion. In fact, it's for this reason that no-one bothers to produce Eskimo versions of style magazines like GQ or Arena. There simply isn't the demand as the style hardly varies from season to season (Though global warming might change things a little.).

Relationships might benefit from the cold, too. In my experience, the average human relationship lasts about three years. After that, you begin to get bored with the woman and want to trade her in for another. However, if women were stored in the fridge during the day and taken out and used only at night, they would last a lot longer. Thus marriages and other nominally long-term partnerships could endure for decades quite happily.

But you would have to ensure that you removed the woman from the fridge at least an hour before use. Otherwise she might give you “the cold shoulder”.


Anonymous said...

Fashions come and go.Style is eternal.Yves St Lauent.

Joe Slavko said...

Taste is eternal. Style is ephemeral. And you either have or you haven't got it. If you have, it apparently stands out a mile.

Anonymous said...

What is the deal with chickens?It is an insult to say one is a chicken,but why?Though not fierce they never struck me as specially cowardly.

Joe Slavko said...

I shall investigate this and report back in due course.