My Sunday Lunch

Today I had a haggis for lunch, served up with neeps and tatties. It was a genuine, mutton-based haggis, too, enclosed in a sheep's stomach. None of that Sainsburys/M&S, plastic-wrapped, pork-based crap for me, thank you very much. Furthermore, I poured a wee dram of Scotch over the top to ensure authenticity. And now I shall spend the rest of the afternoon drinking the rest of the bottle.

Anyway, the point is, if I had eaten two of the things, some people might have said that I'd consumed two “haggises”. Well fuck them. I have decided that haggis is a fifth form declension Latin noun, therefore the nominative plural is “hagges”. Then again, given that the word is clearly a triliteral and, as a result, quite possibly Arabic in origin, another possible plural is haggisaan (حجسان)- the dual nominative. (Except, of course, when the dual is the direct object of the verb, that dual then takes the accusative, giving us haggisayn (حجسين).)

Be warned.