Saturday, January 31, 2009

Clergy on the Catwalk

I came across this disturbing report in yesterday's Daily Telegraph which describes how clergy in Devon are taking part in ecclesiastical fashion shows in order to model the latest in cassocks, wimples, and the like. This worries me, as I fear it could ultimately lead to the downfall of religion and the triumph of Evil. How so?

At the moment, admittedly, there appear to be few problems. Most of the clerics on show look fit and of average physique. How long will it be, though, before the vestment designers start clamouring for ever thinner, more sylph-like clergy to model their wares? Soon, we could start to see near-anorexic vicars parading up and down, who maintain their impossibly lean frames by constant dieting, over-exercising, and chain smoking.

Critics will quite reasonably argue that younger, more impressionable priests might look upon these people as role models and attempt to emulate them. They will do almost anything to lose weight. The weekly Mass, for example, could be subject to constant interruptions as, immediately after the Transubstantiation, the priest retreats behind the altar, puts two fingers down his throat, and pukes up the Blessed Host.

I imagine the Vatican would attempt to allay the fears of bulimic priests by introducing Lo-cal Communion wafers. But at what cost? If a conventional water is turned into a conventional Body of Christ, it follows that a Lo-cal wafer will become a Christ who looks like one of those “before” pictures in a Charles Atlas ad. He’ll be a pathetic, weedy runt of a Saviour who’s forever having sand kicked in his face by the Devil. He’ll have an extremely hard time persuading anyone at all that He’s the Way, the Truth, and the Life. Consequently, come Armageddon, it will be the forces of Darkness, not Light, that will triumph.

5 comments:

K. McEgan. said...

I'm unsure this holds weight theologically.Could you gert Cate to "model" the new ecclesiastical Janet Reger range?I liked the article in todays DT on women.Amen.

Joe Slavko said...

I shall suggest it to Cate tomorrow, just after the morning service.

What DT article on women? The paper normally carries dozens of them.

K. McEgan. said...

Mikey Dredds article.For a white bway he is quite clued up.Jah.

Joe Slavko said...

I missed it. What was it about?

Joe Slavko said...

Just got a copy of Telegraph Weekend before the newsagent chucked it out. You're talking about the "intelligent women" piece, I assume? The author, himself, certainly comes across as some sort of sexual dynamo.