Monday, January 05, 2009

Innate Goodness

Yesterday evening, in the pub, I once again heard some middle-aged old fart quoting that ancient canard: “People are born good but are made bad.” In other words, he was claiming that we are all basically moral and virtuous; it’s just outside influences that divert some us from the straight and narrow. Goodness is the norm and badness a mere aberration. And so on and so forth unto sickliness and puking.


Time was, I’d simply kick the shit out of people for robotically repeating such trite, Christmas cracker aphorisms. These days, however, if I did, I’d probably have to undertake it on a full-time, professional basis, and life really is too short. Instead, therefore, I rehearsed in my mind my usual, considered reply. Herein:

If goodness is the normal state of being and badness a deviation from that norm, why, then, are “good deeds” considered so praiseworthy? Surely, if they are indeed an inherent part of human nature, they should be ranked alongside other inherently normal activities, like eating, breathing, and shitting and, consequently, ought not to be remarked on at all. Rather, it’s the person who mugs old ladies and opens up with an AK47 in a crowded fast food restaurant who should get all the kudos because he’s made that extra special effort to break free of his innate goodness. He’s akin to a guy who can suck shit up through his arse and then belch it out as food. He's the one that should get the media attention, not the one who eats and digests as per usual. Similarly, why does someone who gives millions to charities receive an OBE in the New Year’s Honours List? Isn’t he just doing what comes naturally? If anything, it’s the Robert Maxwells and Nicholas van Hoogstratens of this world – people who defy their inner natures – who deserve the praise. Run down ten lollipop ladies and get an MBE. Manage a hundred within a 12 month period and you ought to be up for knighthood.

No, Badness is the norm. We are all intrinsically evil. This is a Slavko Fact. I have spoken.


Anonymous said...

Didnt the Cathars beat you to it by 900 years?Perhaps there is transmigration of the soul.Perhaps you were my jailhouse bitch in 1100AD?

Joe Slavko said...

Unlikely. I see you as more the type to bend down in the showers. In readiness for the day when the forces of law and order finally collar you, perhaps you should use this "Prison Bitch Name Generator":

Anonymous said...

Dem coppers will never take me alive!Top of the world Ma!