Monday, February 09, 2009

Rhesus Negative

Female rhesus monkeys have pink arses. During ovulation, however, these arses become bright red, signifying that they're receptive to being mated with. All of which bodes ill for the Man of Steel, Superman.

Why?

Because Superman wears bright red Y-fronts over his blue trousers. There's a risk, then, that a priapic male rhesus monkey might mistakenly believe that he's a female on heat and bugger him. If this were to happen with any degree of regularity, I imagine that people would start to take Superman less seriously as a superhero. After all, even if you've saved the world from a giant meteorite and vanquished villains such as General Zod and Lex Luthor, spectators are still going to laugh if they see you with a monkey stuck in your arse.

Having a monkey buggering him could also fuck up Superman's attempts to pass himself off as mild-mannered reporter, Clark Kent. This is because if Superman were to be seen being anally abused by an ape, and then Clark Kent were also to be observed with a monkey up him, people might refuse to believe it to be mere coincidence and start putting two and two together. Even Lois Lane would. And I don't imagine she'd find Superman half as attractive with an ape attached. (Unless she happened to be into particularly kinky threesomes.)

There's always the chance, though, that Superman might actually enjoy being buggered by a monkey. Which could explain his cape. It's actually there to conceal the permanent presence of the rhesus monkey. And if anyone remarks on any "bump" round his arse area, I suppose Superman could always pass it off simply as a Kryptonite-induced case of the piles.

1 comment:

K. McEgan. said...

Sweet fuck all about the genetic links between Basques (Euskera not the ones you try & make poor Cate wear) and Rh -.