Sunday, February 22, 2009

Naked in the Changing Room

The changing room at my gym is open plan. People, whatever the condition of their bodies (and some, believe me, are truly pathetic), tend to take their clothes on and off and go into the shower in front of one another. Such public nudity doesn’t bother them. Or me. However, I have noticed that there are private cubicles in which you can dress and undress. Some individuals actually make use of these.


I suppose it’s possible that they’re mindful of the fact that the French playwright, Jean Cocteau, used to drill holes in changing room walls, peep through, and masturbate as he watched men changing and showering. But this doesn’t worry me unduly. Indeed, I often stand on a chair, drop the towel from around my waist, and shout, “Oi, Jean! Cop a look at this!” But not everyone is as comfortable with being “objectified” by gay French surrealist playwrights as I am, which might explain their hiding away as they dress and undress.

Thinking about it, one way to dissuade Jean Cocteau from wanking off over the sight of you would be to wear a swastika armband. This is because Cocteau was severely criticised for his collaboration with the Nazis during the 1940s (even though he only claimed to be doing it to protect Picasso from the Gestapo), so, if he were to be seen having “one off the wrist” over the sight of (apparent) members of the German National Socialist Party in the buff, his critics could plausibly argue that, far from being a Communist, as he claimed, he was, in fact, a fully-blown collaborationist fascist, and therefore deserving of a good dose of guillotine.

Then again, another potential problem with wearing a swastika armband in a gym changing room is that someone like Ernst Roehm, the gay head of the Brownshirts, could drill holes through the walls, instead, and start peeping at you.

Even I might decide to change in a private cubicle if this were to happen, as I don’t like the idea of the sight of my dick inspiring a One Thousand Year Reich, even if it does make for good motorways and ensures the trains run on time.


Anonymous said...

This blog raises many points.First, walking about bollock naked.I must have been a Roman in a previous life as all thats missing are a few Thracian and Sicilian slaves to pour ungents on my batty.As for Cocktoe, the NSDAP were ambivalent. "Der Chef" said Germany would only attain greatesness when the nation could perform "Das Neibelung" starkers. As you rightly said Rohm liked the company of unmarried slim hipped youths. You'd "fit" in Joe!

Anonymous said...

Try being a woman in a communal ladies' changing area! The effort involved in covering up is proportionate only to the amount of cellulite-heavy rear-end escaping from the perceived protective shield of a towel! If men can afford to be immodest and strident in public, women are cringing and downward-looking in case they are thought to be staring.

Anonymous said...

That is why the girls hate Heather.She looks as if she has been sculpted,unfair on the others! I will volunteer to do CCTV monitoring when she is changing...