Tuesday, April 28, 2009


It’s a good job bees don’t suffer from hayfever. If they did, spring and summer days would be punctuated by a cacophony of insect sneezes and subsequent pollen explosions within the flowers. Even if, by some Herculean effort, the afflicted bee were able to transport his pollen back to the hive, he wouldn’t be in any condition to turn it into decent honey. Indeed, because of the discharge from runny apian noses, jars of Gales Honey would probably consist of 90 per cent bee snot. You wouldn’t be able to spread the stuff on your toast; it would soak straight through.

Another thing to bear in mind is that bees assist in plant reproduction by transferring pollen from the stamen of the male plants to the pistillate cones of the females. But, of course, if they were allergic to the pollen and came over all sneezy and runny-eyed, they wouldn’t be able to do this any more and all plant life on earth would eventually die out. And without plants, there would be no means to convert carbon dioxide into breathable air so, in time, humanity would die of suffocation.

It therefore behoves us to listen carefully to bee hives. If we hear a single sneeze from within, we should leave a packet of Benadryl outside, just to be on the safe side.


Anonymous said...

(For the audience)Yes that Shanghai is such a wanker.Me?In a wheelchair in Huntingdon plodshop. Can bees sneeze?Wouldnt they need different olfactory organs?Wait for Dances With Gerbils to google olfactory?Off to the gym now.See ya.

Anonymous said...

Nnngg Wladisalw boy pant pant boy.

Joe Slavko said...

I trust today will be the evening when you finally succeed in bench-pressing in excess of 30Kg.

Anonymous said...

Cheeky cunt.I tried "selling" you to Francesca.No va.Photoshoot a disaster but I'm holding out for Heather today.