Thursday, November 20, 2008


You often hear newspaper and television reports of people who, in the middle of going about their everyday business, are suddenly afflicted by a powerful wind that seems to spring up out of nowhere. One minute the weather is sunny and serene, the next, roof tiles are blowing off, trees are falling over and crushing cars, and teenage daughters are sucked up and deposited in places inhabited by off-key Munchkins. Then, a few seconds later, it's all over.

Afterwards, these same people invariably start bitching about the whole thing and the damage that's been caused, usually describing the event as a "freak hurricane." But why such a disparaging adjective? Are they trying to say that they'd rather it had been a physically perfect, regular hurricane, of the type that lasts, not seconds, but several days, and can wipe out entire cities, like Katrina almost did to New Orleans?

The stupid wankers don't know how lucky they've been.

And another thing: The word "freak" is offensive to those who don't fit society's stereotype of normality and good looks. It's therefore exactly akin to pointing at groups of midgets and bearded ladies and shouting, "Fuck off and die, you sodding genetically aberrant cunts!" Even if the midgets and bearded ladies are knocking off your roof tiles or pushing trees over on to cars, you shouldn't say this sort of thing because, not only is it plain rude, there's also no telling where it could end.

After all, if you are going to start laying the blame for your destroyed roof and car on adults of restricted grown and overly hirsute women, where do you draw the line? Four foot? Four foot five? Why not five foot 3, then? Before we know it, gangs of neo-Nazis are going to be hanging people like Ronnie Corbett and Tom Cruise from lamp posts and sticking placards with the words "Tree Uprooting Bitch" around the necks of women whose only crime is not to have waxed their upper lips properly.

I don't know about you, but as far as I'm concerned, the whole, sordid business makes me want to fucking puke.

Typical Munchkins

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