Sunday, May 31, 2009

Amphibian

Women often complain about how it’s unsafe for them to go out at night or use public transport because of the risk of sexual assault. Indeed, as a result, many convert to Islam and wear an all-enveloping burqah, in the hope that any predatory men will think twice about molesting them lest they turn out to be Muslim transsexuals underneath or maybe keep a dog under there.

It seems to me, though, that they would do better by taking a leaf out of Nature’s book. With just a little help from genetic engineers.

Why don’t these worried women inject themselves with genes from frogs or toads? I suggest this because many amphibians can change sex, as and when the whim takes them. It follows that, with such a course of frog gene therapy, the women would eventually be able to do this, too. And the advantages of being such a hybrid would therefore be many for the lone female.

For example, if she had a late-night train journey ahead of her, she could simply turn herself into a well-hard Ray Winstone lookalike for its duration. No-one would dare mess with her/him. But upon arrival at the intended destination, (s)he'd simply change back again into female form.

Of course, it would be necessary for her to dress up in some sort of unisex clothing. Obviously, if you look like a bloke but are wearing a slinky black dress and mascara, you tend to attract the wrong sort of attention. On the other hand, the clothing wouldn't have to look too masculine, either. If she were spotted in female form wearing dungarees and bovver boots, likely as not she would be attacked by gangs of roving lesbians and dildo-fucked repeatedly, which would defeat the whole object of changing sex in the first place.

Another drawback that comes to mind revolves around sex. What would happen if you got one of these frog gene-spliced women pregnant? It's an unnerving thought that, as the result of just one careless fuck, you could end up having to bring up and pay for several hundred children, all gestated in the local pond. I doubt that the CSA computers could handle such a scenario.

3 comments:

K. McEgan said...

Can I have one that looks like Natasha Henstridge? This opens a line of dialogue about frogs, faces, having a lard ass (but at least Sidney Sussex accepted me. Sans funding, alas!

Joe Slavko said...

So get a part time job and work your way through college. A thesis only requires a day or so each week, so you'll have plenty of time.

K. McEgan said...

Yes because of course Joe there are fucking millions of cleaning jobs going in Cambridge and they pay so well I could afford a room & lodging. Gee why didn't I think of that? Cos its fucking daft that is why! Sort of thing Alamo might say.