Friday, May 07, 2010

Proportional Representation

Given today’s election results, I find myself – somewhat surprisingly, admittedly – in favour of proportional representation. Not, however, in the crude form as advocated by the Liberals. No, in my opinion, politicians should be prepared to go all the way for their principles.

To this end, I propose maintaining the current constituency-based “first past the post” system but with a few modifications.

Take, for example, a seat where three candidates are standing: Conservative, Liberal, and Labour. The man (or woman – though, frankly, I maintain graves doubts over the wisdom of having given them vote in the first place) getting a majority of the votes would, of course, then be elected. However - and here’s the brilliant bit - it would be administered slightly differently.

Instead of sending the winning candidate to the House of Commons, you’d send just a proportion of him, corresponding to the proportion of the actual vote he received. So if, say, he won with 55 per cent, that’s exactly how much of him you’d return to Westminster, having first removed the superfluous 45 per cent gained by his opponents.

In practice, this would mean lopping his legs off. Or, if he didn’t fancy that, maybe an arm and an arse cheek. Whatever, by implanting this system, you’d guarantee a much higher calibre of politician, because only those willing to sacrifice their limbs and other bits of their body would get in. Who could fail to trust such a an obviously committed person?

I suppose there’s a risk here that, in constituencies fielding large numbers of candidates where the vote is spread evenly, you could end up with a result where the politician in question gets so proportionalised that only his genitals are left. But there have been so many dicks in Parliament in the past, perhaps no-one would notice any qualitative difference.


Ron Broxted said...

Might I suggest a Power-lifting contest? that was effete Tory fuck-wits would be constantly in opposition whilst Sons Of The Proletariat would rightly rule over a paradise for intellectuals, minorities and aesthetically pleasing Vicky Binns types.

Montesqusmith said...

Morning Mr S. Although advocating electoral reform, instead of PR, I still feel we should maintain the first past the post system - albeit with a few minor tweaks.

Instead of the current method of voting - we need a 'ewe' turn to modernise and turn the piss-tedious process into an actual race. Effectively returning first past the post to its original format.

Taking this a step further - if an MP heralds from the imbred home counties, he is awared a horse to ride upon. Alternatively, should the unfortunate wanna-be parliamentary representative reside in the shetlands - s/he is awared a dwarf horse. Those from Ireland could harness a leprocorn, those from wales a sheep. Those from the likes of Blaydon, for instance, could harness a working class prol, mount up and commence the competition.

Alas, this could inevitably create a few problems. Looking at the current MP for Blaydon and surrouding, this fat bastard would undoubtedly crush his anaemic heroin-chic mouunt - thereby reducing the liklihood of success. Conversely, the likes of home county representatives may unfortunately flip said horsey on its back, and try and rodger the equestrian stead instead of commencing the race. Although fraught with potential pit falls - it would still be mildly more entertaining than the current process.

Ron Broxted said...

Further to my comment about Power-lifting might I add that the heaviest thing I have ever lifted was a well hung 11 stone Somalian cock slinger off my dear old mum. The poor Somalian had collapsed following vigorous and abandoned sex with her.

Ron Broxted said...

Joe, why do you think as a raving predatory arse bandit I keep dreaming of Vicky Binns? The wet dreams I have about you and George Clooney are understandable and indeed the one about president Putin....Oooh matron. The Vicky Binn's one continues to confuse me.

Montesqusmith said...

Morning Mr B. I never knew who Vicky Binns was so have taken the intelligent step of googling her. With the aid of the www - I can confirm it is indeed the lady-boy from corrie.

Considering, she is more man than Clooney (and probably mike tyson combined) it should come as no suprise that the latent feelings you have towards Ms Binns is anything other than maintaining a preference for all things masculine.

This is not meant as a critisismn - merely a quest into the Id.

Nb. That said - Steve Mcdonalds wife is worth a poke. Even with her disconcerting adams apple.

Jerry said...

Goodbye Joe. Rest in peace.

Jerry said...

Goodbye Joe. Rest in peace.

Ciaran Rehill said...

God Bless You.